Disney Princess Trifecta of Love – Part 1
23 Jun
As a girl I think it’s safe to say most females somewhere in my age bracket are seeking out their ideal relationship romantically. Unfortunately for them, that relationship has been defined by Disney movies–and we all know how likely it is that real life is going to be anything like a fairy tale (at least most of the time).
There’s three important factors when we’re talking about the kinds of relationships women think they should be having. I think taking these into account when entering or observing a relationship could potentially really do something for our generation… like maybe, helping us having meaningful and open lines of communication. I realize that’s asking a lot, but let’s start out with the first element responsible for relationship letdowns and we’ll see if you’re on the same page I am after.
Element one: A successful father figure with appropriately endless love for his daughter(s) tries to micromanage their lives, while still wanting them to find a strong provider of their own.
Our Ideal:
Not every Disney movie has a father figure, but when they do… man, they are the best goddamn dads. They love their daughters wholeheartedly, without reservation even when their behavior is at its worst. Typically these fathers border on being too involved with their daughters lives, pushing this daughter-turned-woman to marry (think The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Pocahontas, Mulan, etc.) Early on in the plot they butt heads over what she should be doing with her life–after all, this intelligent, vibrant, attractive female wants to do more with herself than just marry a suitor of her father’s choosing.
Then she runs off to experience the world without being under her father’s thumb… and meets the man of her dreams. You know, the successful one that isn’t her father but resembles him in many ways. Once the family is reunited, daddy meets his daughter’s love interest and realizes that this suitor is capable of taking care of his little girl monetarily in ways her father probably couldn’t. Handed off like the prize that she is in her father’s eyes, queue wedding scene, cut to a chaste-but-loving kiss and daddy waving stoically as his daughter rides off into the sunset in the arms of her new beau. She has done him proud by following the life plan he had set out for her (one she “grew up” and realized he was right, of course.)
And the real…
Girls are rarely close with their fathers throughout the years when they need them most. Through that rocky pubescent period, even the best fathers are unsure of how to handle us growing and changing. We are physically becoming an embodiment of femininity, yet remain children in their eyes. More so now than ever, there’s the concern of a father being too involved with his daughter’s life while she matures. Not to say there weren’t cases of sexual abuse at the hands of fathers in the past, but courtesy of day-time TV and those speeches pounded into our head by school guidance counselors at a young age, girls are on edge–just waiting for some kind of inappropriate contact to occur.
While fathers have to fear for their daughters being attacked, molested, or raped by a man, society fears that they (the fathers) will be the ones to do wrong. I suppose it gives them every reason to hesitate when it comes to tucking their daughters in at night with the door closed, or hugging their teenaged ‘princess’ unless it’s from the side.
So they put up this safe distance for all these years when we need to be hearing from men about what is (and more importantly, what isn’t) acceptable behavior from a boyfriend or lover. In retrospect, I wish more of those “good” fathers I knew growing up sat down and told their little girls when to leave a guy. While I’d like to say most of us learned our lesson the hard way, I don’t think most women have fully grasped the concept. Why else would our friends in their 30′s and beyond struggle with the same issues revolving around codependency and abusive relationships that they did in high school?
And is that really due to a lack direct discussion about the topic with someone we (generally) idolize, like our fathers? I’m not sure, but I suspect it has something to do with it.
Think about every girl you know. We may have been close to our fathers as children, or developed one of those parent-turned-friend type of relationship as we’ve become comfortable with being full grown women… but really? We hate our dads, we love our dads, we deny any Oedipal-type desire to find a man like our father to take care of us for as long as we both shall live.
We’re looking for daddy in all the wrong places, ladies.
