Sometimes when I am browsing the internet I find advertisements that are too hilarious not to screen cap. Here’s my collection this week so far…
And here’s my new favorite spam comment to show up on my blog…
The entire left side of my neck is an ugly purple bruise because I am a retard. I do not see fit to share my umpteenth “Julene is a drunken fool” story with you. But let’s just say it hurts and I am popping my fucking collar for the next little while.
I’m not really sure what’s going on with the internet these days. What I do know is that I am becoming even more disenchanted with Facebook then I was to begin with.
It started when initially you couldn’t create an account without having a college email address. And while I was enrolled in school at the time, they did not provide students with email addresses. This is what happen when you save money when you’re paying your own way by going to a community college: you are kept off social networking sites. OH THE HORRORS!
Once their policy changed to allow all you good for nothing non-college folks, I signed up only to realize that they ask for a last name and do check to see if your last name is “acceptable”. My name’s unique enough as it is, I see no reason to give stalkers or psycho–yet forgetful–ex-boyfriends any more information than they may already have about me.
Anyway, Facebook then proceeded to add all those goddamn applications. Receiving however many invitations to add more shit to my profile on a daily basis got really annoying, especially as I started to realize there was no “ignore all” option.
Let’s top it off with the fact Facebook generally sucks and not enough people use it for me to feel it is a necessary website to have an account on. Except I have maybe 5 friends that refuse to use Myspace, so there I am.
Now Myspace is plotting against me, as they have now added their own range of sub-par “applications” that I will never use to their site. Way to go guys, one more things to slow down your servers and give me that obnoxious downtime notification for an entire evening.
Don’t you people realize I have an important internet persona to flaunt on the fucking internet?
I don’t want to know hordes of people, unless these particular people will hand me money or generally be awesome. The likelihood of most people I meet fulfilling either of these requirements (not to mention both at the same time) is pretty slim. I can say I most definitely do not want to meet people who use any of the following words/acronyms on any of their social networking profiles, or in their initial messages to me:
- DGAF: If you were 14 your blind admiration for a bunch of stoners with motorcycles would be more understandable. But odds are you’re in your late 20’s and just want to look like a bad-ass because you, apparently, “don’t give a fuck”.
- ASL: I hate to nitpick, but isn’t all of the information you’re asking for readily available by say, reading my profile?
- AIM/Yahoo/MSN: Odds are if you don’t have it, you aren’t going to get it by sending me a message saying you want to cam chat because I’m so “sexii”. Why don’t you take yourself over to CamWhores if you want to talk to a girl via instant messenger that will feign interest in your sexual desire for her?
- ICP: Look motherfucker, I moved out of Denver. I’ve had it with you juggalos. QUIT TRYING TO BE MY FRIEND!
- Tatts/tatt/tatted/anything where you say “tatts”: You sound like a fucking retard. End of discussion.
- Nicknames like… ma, boo, grrl, and so forth: Look, I don’t know where you heard I wanted to be called any of these obnoxious names, but I don’t. You’re making yourself sound like a hoodrat (which is unappealing) and insulting the fact that my name is readily available for you to call me by. Hell, you could even omit any kind of name usage altogether!
- Anything involving a telephone number: I have precisely zero interest in calling you, and even less interest in giving you the ability to call me. I will not even respond to your message if you included a phone number, because I could be a serial killer for all you know… and now I have your digits. Just because you’re desperate doesn’t mean I should know that 3 seconds into being made aware of your existence.
- ___core or ___edge: Most likely you’ve made up this word. HateXcore? CandyXcore? Where the fuck are you people coming from? I hope your mother tells you on a regular basis she’s ashamed of you.
I need to stop before I continue on tangent for an hour or two. I should probably be misusing all my Myspace contacts to make friends with retards with credit cards that want to foot the bill for me to drink.
So… if you’re going to buy me booze be as big of an idiot as you want. Just realize I will probably wait until I am incapable of properly pronouncing any of the words I used above to tell you that I think you’re a douchenozzle.
My love for Hello Kitty started as an accident back in high school when a new mall was built by my house, and in that mall was a Hello Kitty store. I ended up working there for however long it is high school students hold down a job before they flake out and quit showing up for their shifts.
In browsing the internet I came across a site with everything you could possibly imagine Hello Kitty on it. I’m going to ignore the fact that the site is called Hello Kitty Hell, and that the guy who runs the site finds some of the strangest Hello Kitty items I never thought possible.
Hello Kitty vibrators? Fine. Weddings? A bit odd, but whatever floats your boat on that special day. But a Hello Kitty brand douche is probably the scariest thing I have ever seen.
Really, this might have scarred me for life.
