ickis.com / Julene Horowitz

The internet is an amazing and dangerous place, especially if you’re too young to fully understand the repercussions of posting questionable content online. For two days Tumblr has been ablaze with re-postings of a screen cap from a video of a young girl throwing a puppy into a body of water. Along with the photo was this little blurb:

“This is actually one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen on the internet, and I’ve really seen it all. I’ve seen suicide videos (mildly disturbing, but usually cartoonish), etc… but this is just fucking awful.

[…]Obviously, if you know who this girl is, report her to law enforcement, even if you’re not a “dog person”.

Here’s why you should report her to law enforcement: She’s a serial killer in the making. There are various reports on the internet [...] that show the direct correlation between animal abuse in childhood, and serial killing sprees as adults. This girl is sick.

This girl, while she appears to still only be a child, needs to be locked up away from people.”

Not that I’m trying to nitpick, but the “she’s a serial killer in the making” comment is a bit of a stretch. (more…)

I got three phone calls in rapid succession recently from a number I didn’t recognize. I don’t know about you, but I don’t answer numbers that aren’t already in my address book unless I’ve recently put something up on Craigslist. When I called the number back I hit an obnoxious voicemail of a recorded song instead of identifying phrase telling me whose phone I’d just rung up. (I thought that went out with pagers around the year 2000, but maybe I’m just out of the loop.)

Here’s the text message exchange that followed:

UnIdentified caller: Hey, how are you?
Me: Uhhh, who is this?
UnIdentified caller: This is Samson, we had lunch once.
Me: Oh, I deleted your number. You should do the same thing with mine!

(more…)

The problem with me and internet dating is that I am really picky. To save myself & everyone reading my profile some time, I recently added a listing of people who shouldn’t waste their time messaging me. Don’t worry, I finessed the shit out of the way I wrote it out in my profiles. Or at least I thought I did, until this little message exchange that spiced up my evening.

HIM: Hmm… awfully picky for a girl covered in trashy tattoos.

ME: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Was that your attempt at a pickup line or did you just feel like using a dating site to “make a statement”?

HIM: No. I just like to laugh at white trash… it’s funny. I would come back with “read much?” to counter your argument, but we both know the answer to that, don’t we? When I start accepting the opinions of militant little girls with daddy issues, I’ll put your request at the top of the pile.

ME: Do you put this kind of energy into messaging every girl whose profile doesn’t strike your fancy? You seem like the type that would. “We both know the answer to that” – or not, obviously. I’m not going to justify my dislike of LAME DUDES to someone of your ‘caliber’. Keep the insults rolling, you’re not lowering my self-esteem. You are, however, showcasing precisely the reason why you’re single. Have a great life. May you find a girl as goofy-looking and overly concerned with other peoples’ standards as you are!

I’m not bummed out on being called white trash because I have tattoos. That’s fine, it’s the fact someone would go out of their way to message a stranger just to be a jerk. I am fairly certain this means I spend way too much time using a computer. Not only that but I am totes busted for engaging in an internet fight with someone that is obviously into trying to start internet fights. (I fully expect someone to post that image involving the special Olympics* in response I welcome it, even.) Not that I’m going to spend less time on the computer, but it does mean I think I need to be burning off energy daily. Fucking holidays are throwing me off my flow, guys.

Good thing I’ve almost finished the master-craft that is the blog entry regaling you with stories involving some recent IRL dating awkwardness, right? :D The internet: my work-out inspiration.

* Am I supposed to capitalize Special? And do they really expect me not to make retard references on the internet with a name like that?

Though I haven’t been keeping you updated, I’ve still been foraying into the dangerous and hilarious world of internet dating. I have to say there’s one thing I’m tired of: meeting for drinks. I’m sorry guys it’s been done, it impairs my judgment, and I feel really strongly about drinking & driving. I’m pretty sure just about every girl on the internet is sick of this being the go-to date of choice. Here’s my list of alternatives that do not suck, and might get you laid for being so “creative”. You’re welcome in advance. (more…)

Some days you wake up and feel bad about yourself as a human being. Then you watch clips like this one of that crazy Christian pageant chick flipping out on Larry King and if nothing else, it gives you a bit of perspective.

Oh wait, this chick has a video lurking around somewhere of her fingering herself? That’s laughable as-is, but let’s not forget how she protests people calling it a sex tape because “it’s just me, I’m not having sex.” I hope this girl doesn’t believe in the pull-out method, too.

The problem with the e-dating posts is that typically, someone winds up offended about the way I relay my side of the story to the internet at large. So if you’re one of those dudes who followed up reading about our date on here with a sassy email telling me what’s what, calm down. It’s just the internet, nobody knows who you are, and I obviously tweak the stories a bit for humor’s sake.

On the upside, at least I’m keeping you artsy types up late doing something creative instead of just something fun?