Look at that rugged, slightly aged but still attractive face of his! (If you’re a straight male or a lesbo, I apologize. Just trust me on this.) I realized part of the crush is based on his character in House but I hardly see that as a problem. I mean, you can totally ask an actor to portray the same part they do on a daily basis for cash in the bedroom… right?

This last photo I felt the need to throw in here because hell, I’ve never seen someone less stoked on winning some metal shit to put on their mantle in my life. Then again, it’s just a Golden Globe. Those aren’t really all that exciting.

Hellooooooo nurse. No seriously, the Russian prison tattoos/accent/rough around the edges look is really working for me. He looks rugged and aged, yet refined. Plus I know he had to sit around and have someone draw all those little goodies onto him. Should the mere thought really fill me with this much jealousy?

For those of you not already familiar with Russian prison tattoos, they did a great job in this movie of adhering to the rules surrounding them. There’s a couple books out there about them you could easily pick up if you were so inclined. Or you could just look at these photos of Viggo and join in on the drooling. Either option is acceptable.

Now while I used to think all those dumb stunts they did were, well, dumb… I’m sortof digging the idea of him showing up topless and covered in brutal purple bruises. I know, I’m sick.

I think this guy is deserving of some serious OMNOMNOMs… provided he’s better hung than Steve-O and doesn’t behave like Bam, that is.

He even had something really gay he posted on his blog (which I can’t seem to lurk my way to, so a link would be nice):

“Of all the highlights in my career, I don’t know of one more sentimental than getting to walk through Sesame Street. Yes, there seems to be somebody always standing right below Elmo and his friends, mouthing along to everything they’re saying, but somehow I’m too filled with wonder to ever look at them. When you make contact with those big beautiful eyes, you’re done. Five years old again. Life is good.”

Apparently I can watch said episode in PBS on April Fool’s Day, but that is a long time away so here’s a preview.

You can all be utterly disgusted by me now, I vaguely sense that I deserve that.

Here’s the thing: he reconciled for the epic-bad 90′s romantic comedy that is Reality Bites (which I love, for the record) by starring in Gattaca. Greasy hair be gone! Effeminate nostrils, activate!

I realized how truly attractive this man is after seeing him in Taking Lives–but it might’ve just been the slightly twinge of jealousy I had that he got to roll around naked with Angelina Jolie. I don’t care that it was just for a movie part or that everyone else said her boobs looked “saggy” in the unrated version of the film (a filthy lie if I ever heard one)… I was jealous. Then I looked at his perfect little pointy nose and realized I wanted to be sandwiched between the two.

I seriously think this guy is the only reason SNL hasn’t been taken off the air… yet. Classics like Jizz in My Pants, Dick in a Box and A Day in the Life of Natalie Portman can all be attributed to this guy.

The guy’s only 30 and a mere 2″ shorter than I am. Someone should make this happen.

Are you noticing that someone watched entirely too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer in her younger years? Whatever, at least this one didn’t play a vampire. Am I the only one who thinks every show that was on the WB network from the late 90′s into the early 2000′s (is that a word?) was chock-full of smokin’ hot dudes? I don’t like short dudes, or really even ones with red hair usually. This dude had me breaking all my rules.

Actually, I think my love for him was rekindled about the time Robot Chicken came out. Supposedly there’s no fourth season on the way, which I find depressing. Claymation is so underrated. Here’s the first short from the show I ever saw that made me fall in tiny ginger love all over again.

Sorry it’s rotated, there’s about a billion shitty remixes and honestly the song might be the funniest part of the sketch. You could always just buy season one on DVD to enjoy it!

Anyway, the point is I’d totally hit it if he promised I could play with his extensively awesome action figure collection afterward.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… that is one FOM right there.

1.) As previously mentioned, I saw Henry Rollins in the grocery store. This excites me because odds are he lives in the neighborhood, so there’s a potential chance I will be able to lurk on him again without ever having to say hello. I’m already lurking him via Twitter because I’m a total creep. He’s seriously my #1 FOM.

2.) Post-bar munchings at Kitchen 24 (lord knows why I still go there, the service totally blows) Farhaad & I saw Bobby Brown. You know… this guy:

3. & 4.) Rihanna & Chris Brown were inexplicably shopping at Urban Outfitters a few weekends ago. I won’t lie, I spotted her first near the cash register as I was looking at the huge shelves of useless trinkets that store tries to trick you into buying on your way out the door. So as I’m lurking on Rihanna some dude by the cash register starts asking me about my tattoos… and it was none other than Chris Brown himself.

Listen, I realize I’m punk as fuck (ha!) but I can’t help but love rap/R&B/douche music just as much as the next broad. He touched my arm like four times, and was all about the Lenore sleeve. Originally I was intending to not wash my arm forever, but my boyfriend informed me that is the best way to get on the fast track to no action ever. We all know if it’s between getting my groove on and a 2″ diameter spot on my arm (potentially) carrying some celebrity’s cast off skin flakes I’m going to throw myself through the shower with a quickness.

So 10 months in LA and I have spotted a mere four celebrities. Clearly I need to leave my apartment more.

Of course, we’re only doing “it” if he sets up some kind of of PA system with him doing voice-overs in character like he does on TV.