ickis.com / Julene Horowitz

Rammstein was already on my “ridiculous” list before I saw this video. Then again, the last one I watched involved a rubber dildo spewing white stuff onto a crowd at a live performance. I was hanging out with some weird WASP type that I was severely infatuated with at like, age 14. That’s a different topic entirely, though.

Do you remember watching them perform in that movie XXX? Yes, the one with Vin Diesel. You have to understand… this was prior to an epiphany that just because Vin Diesel is ripped does not mean he’s hot. For the record, I don’t think the dudes from Rammstein are hot either. I think I do feel weird about watching this video, regardless. Don’t click that link at work, y’all!

It’s been mentioned on several occasions that my e-dating has been a huge fail. Trust me folks, I am aware of the shortcomings of my internet dating experiences. I think at this point it’s fair to say I need to give up on the internet, and just build my own boyfriend.

You think I’m joking? Here’s what nearly $7,000 can get me.
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Sometimes I cannot help but be shocked at the types of things people will say in 140 characters or less on a social networkg site as completely open as Twitter. Be it overly personal information, uncomprehendable drunken jargon, or just some sort of incredibly filthy sexual comment that while perfectly suited to the bedroom might not be best to leave out there for just anyone to find. However I admit my biggest fear is accidentally typing some URL that I will not name here into my Twitter updates and posting it.

I’m hoping that John Mayer is also a fan of the Kink.com circle of website and doesn’t want all his super-yuppie fans find out that he is really into WiredPussy.com or something. Or worse yet, maybe he’s checking out the Men In Pain videos. By the way, if you’re a sick fuck like us (potentially) him, here’s a link to a bunch of freebies from all their content sites.

You’re welcome.

While talking with a male friend of mine he revealed to me he has never owned a bottle of lube. This is concerning to me, because I would think as a sexually active person you would keep a bottle (or four) around “just in case” a situation arose when you actually needed it. Upon further discussion I realized maybe people out there don’t know which lubes to buy–after all, there’s a lot of brands out there. They all are made for the same general purpose in mind but what really meets your needs is entirely different.

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I’ve been on a serious blog-reading kick lately, especially ones with user-driven updates. So when I realized EdenFantasys recently launched a blog portion of their site concerning sex culture I was intrigued–I already turn to them for all my daily LOLz of hipsters, chicks that shouldn’t be having kids, and dudes nobody should’ve dated.

A while back I read the Vice Guide to Eating Pussy and while it was funny, I don’t think a guide is what men need. I’m sorry, but following directions is not always your strong suit. I’m so glad I’m not the only person that noticed this, because Lindsay Lewis has now covered “The 25 Hallmarks of Bad Cunnilingus”. Her list had me laughing so hard I was afraid I was going to pee my pants, I’m pretty sure most female readers will enjoy it. As for the men, well… some of you will probably realize you’ve been doing it wrong. (more…)

Recently I received a Triple Stimulator Dolphin in the mail courtesy of my friends over at EdenFantasys. Now, this is not your average toy. This is a triple stimulator featuring what I believe to be bottle-nosed dolphins–though I may be incorrect as to the exact species.

So I remove it from the bag, give it a quick wipe down (because you should never use a sex toy without cleaning it first) and checked it out. There are two bullet vibrators in this bad boy, both of which are located within the dolphins themselves. I’m going to say this was the first design flaw, because it leaves you with very little vibration from the clitoral stimulator in comparison to the two dolphins. The nubs on the end of stimulator were a bit too long & the material too firm, but that is probably a matter of preference. One star lost for the lack of an egg in the clitoral department as well as the awkward design.

I wasn’t a big fan of the leg harness straps it came with so I decided to remove them. This isn’t the most flexible silicone toy so I did rip where they attach at. If you opt to do the same, I suggest you just use scissors instead.

Once inserted, I found the curve of the back door dolphin to be a bit uncomfortable. The pointyness of the end of their noses might look good but I don’t think it felt so great. Half a star has to go when I can’t insert this as it was meant to be–though using the larger dolphin for clitoral stimulation and the smaller one for insertion purposes didn’t yield too shabby of a result.

The vibration of both dolphins can be controlled via handset, through the cord was a tad short which led to awkward positioning when trying to increase the vibrations. It definitely was too short to be used in the shower, though I will say it handled being in the water well and didn’t die after I tried it out a few times.

It’s important to note this is not top-grade silicone, and you do need to be careful with how rough you are with the dolphin. After a few uses I noticed small tears between the two dolphins. Clearly using this sex toy in any position other than the one you would initially assumed based on it’s shape is going to greatly decrease its lifetime. It’s okay for a $45 sex toy, but I don’t think this sucker will last more than a month when used by the average gal.

Overall, this adult toy was fun but next time I go for a serious double/triple stimulator I will find something not comparable to any type of sea mammal in shape, I think.