Lately a good deal of the females I know have been telling me they loved my e-dating series. This is usually followed by near-begging to bring them back. There’s just two problems:
1.) I haven’t been going on any dates, but mostly…
2.) Writing about this shit on the internet means eventually everyone reads it, and guys don’t like being called out online. (Examples: the artist, the babyface & the super hot older writer man.)
I don’t think anyone would say I’m a shitty girl to go on a date with. Except Captain Planet–but really, he set himself up to get crushed via debate over lunch. A lunch I bought myself, no less. (Bad first date etiquette, I don’t give a fuck what your liberal friends are trying to tell you.)
My dating life remains at a standstill, for the time being. It sort of has been for longer than I’m going to admit on the internet, now that I really think about it. Part of the problem is that this year is party-free (for reasons I’ll touch on later) and the coffee shop grouping is officially too young to be on my radar. I got to talking with an internet friend about “going through the motions” when it comes to dating. More specifically in regards to unattached sexual encounters that started out with some kind of spark of genuine interest, but whatever. What didn’t “come up,” at least for him, got me thinking about where I’ve been at when it comes to my own interactions of this variety over the last few years.
Getting myself to the point where I sort-of-almost-don’t-give-a-fuck about dating was intentional on a subconscious level, I think. It took energy to curb the amount of time I put to toward thinking about that messy subject. And then one day when I woke up, it just was no longer so all-consumingly important to find someone to be with. The need to look just dissipated, and while I’m down for a little art appreciation I’m realizing that isn’t the same as actually LOOKING.
The change doesn’t stem from fear of commitment, or a need for commitment, or any of those other emotionally charged power-phrases people are using these days instead of just saying they’re shitty at being considerate toward the people they’re sleeping with. To be fair, it’s not that I don’t still want to “find someone”–I vomited in my own mouth while typing that–I’m just busy doing other things. Actively seeking out anything except a cheap cup of coffee and reliable WiFi is more than I have the energy for.
For 2010 I’ve been on some independent woman bullshit head trip-actively being happy in my solitude, which sounds far more Debbie Downer than it really is. It’s a “best of times, worst of times” type of year, really. The type of men I keep crossing paths with have made this easier than I expected. There’s always some hormonal undertone to their sweat, on their skin, in their hair; something they can’t control that’s telling me these guys are going to be a waste of my time. Whatever hormonal repellent they’ve been letting waft my way is working. If only I could bottle and sell this newly discovered spidey sense of man-scent dissection–or just give it to my girlfriends when they start becoming overly-invested in lame dudes. That seems to be a common affliction for my gal-pals this year.
It’s been suggested maybe there’s something wrong with my hormones from all the supplements, working out and dieting I’ve been doing. To have a fully functional sex drive that I am perfectly content to ignore is shocking, I guess. This isn’t an issue relating to my enjoyment of the activity.
Fine, I admit that’s a small contributing factor–but not the way people think it would be. I think it’s completely acceptable to get none as long as I avoid all the “only okay” encounters lurking out there. Is it so bad to just skip on the whole thing? Let’s face it, most of the fucking going on at any given time is lame. As far as I can tell (smell?) I’m not missing out on anything good. In which case, it doesn’t even count as missing out.
Besides, there’s so many other things I need to be focused on (writing, TattooSnob, some top secret shit I hope someday I get to tell you about, etc) that guys can just… stay on the back burner, for a few more months at least. I’m sure by the end of the year the frustration will be too much and I’ll post something on Craigslist in an effort to meet someone in no way tied to my social circles. The other option is to become a Shaker, except I don’t think I can make a commitment to lifelong celibacy.
Anything’s tolerable so long as it’s temporary, y’know?