I’ve never been one of those girls that wants to talk about her ‘cycle’ on the internet. It’s unnecessary, it’s a little gross (as far as conversation topics go) and honestly… I’m a big girl and I can handle it.
WARNING: This post talks about a portion of the female reproductive system’s purpose that I would not usually discuss on the internet. This is not a gross story, but if you’re one of “those guys” that read my blog and want to pretend that those 5-7 days out of the month don’t happen… well, don’t read the rest of this.
Sorry if my disclaimer messed up our flow. Let’s get back to it.
I’ve known a fair number of girls that have zero hang-ups when it comes to talking about this topic, usually loudly and in a public place, and it drives me nuts. Usually, these are the same girls that want to talk about excrement in detail. Call me a prude but I don’t want to discuss that, either. Call me old fashioned, but I think I’m over the unladylike and/or crass thing when it comes to hearing other gals talk. Aside from when dealing with diaper-aged children, nursing home residents or in the confines of a health facility it’s completely unnecessary to make conversation about either topic.
I don’t want any of you thinking I’m grossed out by my own womanly cycle business; I’m definitely not. I just don’t think I need to talk about it all the time because after a whopping nine years, I think I have it pretty well figured out. At least enough to forgo making it a dinner topic, y’know? (For the record, thumbs up on period sex of all varieties. There, I said it.)
Put my above complaints aside momentarily, because what I really want to talk about Japanese artist Hiromi Ozaki making a piece of concept art that revolves around giving males sympathy menstruation. Did you make a face while reading that phrase? I know I did. Were this to ever make it beyond the ‘concept’ phase and into production, a man–or woman, I guess, as if any girl could ever forget what a period’s like–would receive small electrical shocks to simulate cramps. That part doesn’t sound too bad, it’s the added bit about a “blood releasing mechanism” that has me wrinkling my nose. I get that it’s art (for now), but come on.
The Salon.com article the exposed me to this nonsense had plenty of commentary to offer, so let me ask a question instead: WHY? Why would any dude, even one dying to get really in touch with his feminine side, want to know?
Ladies, it’s in your best interest that this contraption never becomes a reality. Not to downplay the fact that being a girl can really sucks sometimes, but our periods are a free pass from just about anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it; we’re suffering once a month as no man will ever truly understand. While I know some broads wind up in crippling pain that apparently requires a Percocet prescription, that doesn’t mean I’m not rolling my eyes every time I hear a feeble “I’m on the rag”–that’s an excuse, not a reason.
I don’t see anything wrong with the fact that most girls have used their cycle as an explanation–it’s so handy, after all. You can tell you guy he just “doesn’t understand” and your gal pals will usually sympathize once they realize that’s why you’re bursting into tears mid-Gerber Graduates commercial. Periods are cool like that; they are the ultimate excuse because frankly, it’s better than anything else most of us can come up with on the spot. I feel like I’m a few years away from being robbed of the last good “justification” a gal can use without sounding like she’s copping-out.
Then again, I’m pretty sure nobody in their right mind would finance this. And even if they did, it’d take until I’m well past menopause for it to catch on here in the US. Really, it’d only be fucking over all those unborn future (female) whippersnappers. I bet they’ll need something new to complain about online by then.