Julene @ ickis.com

Usually I try to stay out of my dude friends’ business; they tend to date the most insane girls ever and for the most part I let them because after three weeks they clue in & dump ‘em. Except one of my friends didn’t clue in, and I asked him to write about it a bit now that they’ve had a messy breakup laced with internet drama and an airing of each other’s dirty laundry. Which means of course I invited him to air his frustrations via my blog, because that’s what friends do!

Right?

Am I wrong to think that steady sex is an important factor in a successful relationship? Everyone’s definition of “steady sex” is way different. For me it means daily, or at least 4 to 5 times a week. So, if that’s the case, why did I spend a year with someone who only fucked me a couple of times a month?

When we first met, it was a few times a week. I thought nothing of it because our sexual chemistry was great. I figured she’d just get to a point where she felt super comfortable and then I’d tear it up a few times a day… then it started to dwindle.

After a few months it was once a week, then once every two weeks. Every time we fucked, I wasn’t supposed do anything other than just missionary. When I said “turn over” or something, I got the “I don’t want to” or a “noooo, I’m lazy.” Really, this bitch would not let me express my artistic sexuality. After six months I asked myself, “Why am I jerking off so goddamn much? I have a bitch in my bed every night. There should be lips, snatch or bootyhole around my dick.”

I brought it up with the gal and I got the typical “I’m tired,” “I work too much,” “I’m just not in the mood” excuses. I worked far more hours than she did and came home tired. but I made sure my dick was ready for anything.

Of course, this turned into an argument which ended with some make-up sex…but again, the day after it was as dry as Ashy Larry. I was concerned because we had this vacation coming up and if I didn’t get crazy pussy for the money I shelled out, I was going to be super pissed. I just wanted to be intimate with the person I loved, you know?

So there we are in a foreign country, staying in a 5-star hotel overlooking a lake. There was something she kept calling “scenery”, wild animals running about and all kinds of shit chicks appreciate. I dropped money on expensive dinners, souvenirs, tattoos, etc. every day. Yet each night ended early with me wondering what her fucking problem was.

The last night we’re there, I am waiting to unload a monster nut and as I’m trying to initiate some intimacy she tells me she’s exhausted. I was pissed. We got back home the next day and I laid on the guilt about her not fucking me on this trip. As she was working on making it up to me, I made sure to “accidentally” cum on her face. Monster load in her eye. It was classic and I managed to make my “I’m sorry” believable while not smiling… it was fucking hard. She was lucky so many of her rat-fink friends were around during this trip, or I would have gotten my fuck on elsewhere.

Month 7 came and went without even a game of “just the tip.” She insisted that I was not the problem, but I was becoming “overly sexual” to which I replied, “IF YOU DIDN’T HOLD OUT ON THE PUSSY, YOU WOULDN’T BE SO IRRITATED BY ME TRYING TO FUCK YOU ALL THE TIME.”

I gave up after this… over the span of summer to winter we fucked maybe 10 times. Each time was like the first time I lost my virginity all over again. I didn’t even know what to do or how to react during the times my dick was in her mouth (which was even more limited than penetration). There was even a rare moment where we had sex two days in a row. This may sound pathetic, but trust me, if you’re not getting enough pussy, you’ll remember each and every time you got your dick wet.

When you suspect something, you suspect something… I went through her phone. Shitty move, but something was up. There were several texts to one of her girlfriends, the worst one read “I know what you mean. I’m already thinking what it’d be like to bone somebody who isn’t John Doe.”

John Doe being me, of course.

“What did I just read? Did this bitch just say she wanted to fuck other people?” I said to myself. Not only was she saying she didn’t want me anymore, but she was talking about having sex! I brought it up, only to learn she was “confused” and felt weird about us but didn’t want to break it off. I, stupidly, didn’t tell her to go fuck herself right then and there. The next month was really just a prolonged ending-she moved out and got her own place. We were still together, but broke up Christmas night because I’ve “changed.” A bullshit reason, but I was actually relieved.

Now I miss the convenience of having someone there (rarely) but that’s it. I know at some point I’ll find myself a bad bitch who is willing to do freaky shit with me whenever I want. Before I go I have to ask: What is wrong with these broads who don’t want to fuck on the regular? Ladies, if you love your man and he loves you back then FUCK HIM. Fuck him often, fuck him well. Do freak shit that will keep him around forever. Guys, if you’ve been in it with a broad for a long time and she’s not fucking you as much as you want, you need to leave that bitch. There are freak ho’s out there that will do it a lot more than the one you got.

I’m so proud of you, buddy.