I’m sorry but this is just more than I can take… some of you guys really set yourselves up to wind up on my blog. At least you can take comfort in the fact I’m not posting your photos or usernames on here… yet.
Please note the date/timestamps on this guy’s messages. I have never replied, and he never catches the hint. I’d also like to state that while I have not posted this particular specimen’s username to protect his anonymity, making your username on a dating website the same as the person who coined the term “hyphy” when you’re pasty as a motherfucker is NOT doing you any favors in my book.
[1:45:49 am]DUDE: hi
[1:58:21 am]DUDE: what’s up cutie?
[2:04:20 am]DUDE: you are a hottie
[2:05:02 am]DUDE: I’d love to chat
[2:09:39 am]DUDE: care to chat?
[2:45:28 am]DUDE: damn you are so hot
[3:09:16 am]DUDE: I’d love to meet a hot girl like youNext day
[5:00:25 am]DUDE: fuck your hot
[5:01:01 am]DUDE: you scream fucking hottness
Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to Photoshop all my tattoos out of photos. Mostly because it would allow me to skip on all of the messages below & any variation thereof.
- love the tats
- Subject: I’m way curious,
I saw in one of your pictures a hint of a tattoo on your knee.
Am I just trippin out or was that for real?
What is it of? Where was it on the pain scale? How long did it take?
From what I saw it’s wicked cool.
Sorry bout the bagillion questions haha. - Subject: Knee tat
How’d the tattoo on the knee feel? - Subject: Hey
like the tats - Subject: Tats!
hey where did you get your ink done at? i like the job that has been done!
and on a side note i think your a little cuttie - Subject: Hey
Hey your tattoos are really cool. Message back if you want. - Subject: Hey
Yours are just sexy as hell. Usually I don’t many women pull it off all that well but you sure do. You seem cool and I like your stow wanna chat?
I think we can safely say that using a subject line of “hey” might be indicative that within the message is a comment about my tattoos & a marginally poor grasp of the English language. Yes?
HIM: I think u are so beautiful and I love your profile. Sorry i don’t like puting pics on [dating website]. My Myspace is [link removed] Pics are on there…
ME: Why the fear of putting photos on [dating website I am regretting signing up for]?
HIM: lol pretty much I dated a couple girls from [dating site] and neither of them turned out very well, and I was really tired of getting messags all the time and feeling obligated to respond nicely and turn them down. I very nice guy and just not responding to someone isn’t very easy for me to do, like I said I’m way too nice . So I figure I can browse with no pic’s and not have to deal with that part of it…. So I got a new account. And on top of that my ex is kind of a stalker, I met her on here and was with her for like 6 months.
Did you guys read all that? Then we’re both clear on why this guy never heard back from me, right? Good. Moving on…
Subject: The female version of me?
You are a very interesting character who seems like a cynical, and cantankerous individual. Probably smarter than me as well.
I could only imagine you as the girl at a house party in the corner with a case of PBR laughing at the assholes in the middle with glow sticks while the DJ play’s the worse techno music of the century. Laughing even harder when you see a girl putting her hand down a guy’s pants while he gropes her tits. Later to laugh even harder when you go out for a smoke (simply assuming you smoke) if not for a breath of fresh air to see the same girl through a window with a group of people outside it taking video, as her boney ass get’s pounded doggy style by the guy she was groping her self.
That’s just how I imagine you though.. may I ask Miss are you an internet troll?
Buddy… you just failed on like 8 levels. Might I suggest that you don’t compare yourself (an overweight dude in chick pants with a lot of awful tattoo work) to the Internet’s #1 glamazon? I know I’m not God’s gift to men–quite the opposite, really–but I’m a couple rungs up the ladder from you in all the important categories.
Second, I used to be one of those glowstick-toting motherfuckers in high school. That’s right, Julene was a fucking candy raver AND I DON’T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR IT. To be fair, I probably would laugh at the people groping on each other in public but I’d certainly hope anyone over age 16 would feel the same way. There’s nothing attractive about over the top PDS’ (Public Displays of Sluttiness). However, I don’t smoke and would probably tell a bunch of dudes filming that shit they should look into the legalities before making such a recording. Not to mention I don’t care about some chick getting down with her bad self. Slutty chicks make me look better, nah’mean?
Oh look, I saved possibly the best for last!
i read ur profile and think ive found someone who is finally worth a good conversation….i hate women who are stupid with no common sense…but u seem to have some things figured out that the rest dont…i would like to get to know u if thats cool….
Don’t get me wrong, I think most chicks I’ve encountered are at least mildly retarded. However prefacing your message to me with “I hate women” in any way generally makes me think you have a deep-seated hatred of all women that was possibly initiated by something weird your mother did to you as a child. Dahmer, anyone?
If this wasn’t amusing for you, I apologize. I giggle-snorted my way through pasting all these excellent attempts at wooing me into WordPress. Have no fear, there’s more than a handful of dates I actually did go on that I will get to writing about as soon as I figure out which dudes don’t check this site, so I can avoid receiving any more hateful “you think you’re better than me, bitch?!” emails.