Yeah, you read that right. Growing up I was one of those weird kids that thought about sex a lot. Big surprise considering the industry I work in, I’m sure. Anyway, I was positive I was going to marry a ninja turtle. And not just any ninja turtle–fuck no, I was going to marry Michelangelo.
You’re totally creeped out right now, aren’t you? Hear me out. The guy liked to crack jokes, wasn’t a dweeb, liked to run around outside, and knew karate. Plus his favorite food was pizza. It was a match made in imagination heaven. After writing several letters of inquiry, it was made clear I can’t actually marry a cartoon character. Oppression, I tell you!
Oh, if any of you know how I could get my hands on a Michelangelo fitted hat like pictured below in size 7 and 3/8ths, let me know. I’m scouring the internet but have yet to find one.
