It’s been mentioned on several occasions that my e-dating has been a huge fail. Trust me folks, I am aware of the shortcomings of my internet dating experiences. I think at this point it’s fair to say I need to give up on the internet, and just build my own boyfriend.

You think I’m joking? Here’s what nearly $7,000 can get me.
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I love rompers–I want like 8 million of them. This purple one is probably my favorite, although I’m afraid I’ll wear it too often and become “purple romper girl”. Actually, I don’t care if that happens, so long as I get 8 million more rompers.

All in favor, say “I!”

A few weeks ago I got to spend some time on the beach with my brother in Malibu. Now I’d never really spent any amount of time in Malibu (or even on the beach, really) since I moved to California but let me tell you… I got a serious tan on my shoulders that day. In 10 minutes.

Sunset on the beach is beautiful, by the way. I have a few shots of it that I took with my Polaroid. Saving those for a rainy day.

I never thought I’d say this, but I think I need to spend more time at the beach this summer. Someone help me find a fantastic one piece bathing suit and a beach buddy!

Holy fucking shit - I never thought the day would come where I saw something online and nearly died because I want to own it so badly. But that day is here because of Desu Toys’ commitment to bringing the internet to life. More specifically, this stuffed Pedobear.

He’s only $20. One of you has to love me this much.

What the hell was going on yesterday? Farah Fawcett succumbs to anal cancer (whatever, it’s sort of funny and you know it) and Mikey Jaxx kicked the bucket from…. well you know how it is. Nobody really knows and we’re going to spend the next two weeks listening to his music on constant replay courtesy of local radio stations.

It’s weird because frankly, I don’t care either way. The man was indeed the King of Pop… 25 years ago. In recent years he’d become just another reclusive has-been with questionable habits and a million dollar credit card bill showing up every month. I guess that’s what happens when you decide to live in an amusement park and quit making platinum records.

I’d like to alert you now that my friend David painted this:

And now you can buy it on eBay! He’s donating 15% of the final sale price to the humane society, so I strongly recommend you add this to your wall and help feed some poor defenseless kittehz!

Well, not just yours–mine too! I recently saw all the hype and postings about Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland that will apparently be hitting the big screen next year, I can’t help but be upset. Fortunately Mitcz already wrote a blog post on the topic so I don’t have to write a whole one of my own!

While many are excited, I feel an equal mix of worry, anger, disappointment and confusion.

Why confusion? Well, it seems to me that many of you have forgotten how many times Tim Burton has smeared fecal matter on celluloid and you’re ready for him to fuck you in eye sockets yet again. How lovely. Maybe that’s his secret appeal, though. Maybe that’s why studios continue to give him money. Call it artistic amnesia if you will. Sure, he’s always had intense and amazing visuals in his films (this is to his credit), but maybe some of you let that cloud your memory banks and you wake up the next day only remembering his dream-like dark worlds and little else. Not unlike the time your uncle touched your bathing suit area, and you don’t even think about it anymore and would sooner pretend it never happened until… well, some asshole like me brings it up.

You can read the full post here, should you be one of the very few that is also anxiously hoping that this won’t be as painful to watch as Burton’s “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. Seriously though, I suspect this will be another very expensive flop.

I’m so excited that pubic hair is cool again. Mostly because I was starting to feel really awkward about the “shave the whole damn thing” demands men seemed to be making. I dunno about you but I’m not down with banging out prepubescents. Last night someone informed me that there was a few photos of me on a hairy girls site online. I didn’t believe them, until I hit Google.

I’m sorry but… LOLWUT??

You have to understand how hilarious this is to me–I’m not a hairy person. I get away with not shaving my legs for weeks on end and it took me three months to grow in enough pubes to make into a landing strip. One that was still incredibly sparse, as you can see here. (That link is NSFW, so if you lose your job over it I have zero sympathy now that you’ve been warned.) I guess I can scratch that off the list of “specialty” interests I never thought I’d cater to.

Recently while lurking the internet I found this band, Memphis May Fire.

I tweeted about it, because they’re pretty cute and since I’m single I’m allowed to talk about all the hot babes I want. And through my snooping I wound up getting hooked up with this song that I don’t think is out yet. Getting hooked up with songs is fun! I should do this shit for a living.

You can download “North Atlantic vs. North Carolina” here.

All of the below are welcome to gtfo. Srsly.

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My membership to the paid dating site I joined earlier this year will be ending soon, and I’ve got to say that may have been one of the worst $120 investments I’ve ever made. I met three people, none of whom anything significant panned out with. (For the record all three were pretty nice guys, but something was clearly missing or I wouldn’t still be telling you all about this.)

That being said, apparently summer love fever has kicked in and another profile of mine on a different site is really poppin’. Poppin’ so hard I have a few amusing goodies to share with you.

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